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POP CALLS THE TEAM SOFT

By The Funk on December 12, 2005.

SpursDynasty exclusive (SO exclusive, we can’t legally claim anyone actually said anything below, so we’ll use National Enquirer journalism standards)

Immediately after losing to the terrible Atlanta Hawks, and at the earliest point in a Spurs’ season ever, Coach Greg Popovich gave his annual “This Team Is SOFT” speech, a longstanding team tradition.

Yahoo reports:

“On Saturday night, they (the Hawks) finally finished a game, snapping a seven-game losing streak by beating San Antonio 94-84 to deny the Spurs their best 20-game start in franchise history.

The Hawks entered the game with the NBA’s worst record while the defending champion Spurs have the most wins in the league. “

Greg Popovich, according to someone who may or may not know him, supposedly said: “The guys were denied by the lousy Hawks who just blew 7 games. We’re the reigning champs.

You tell me the Spurs aren’t a soft team. Tim Duncan knows this team is soft. You either wear a big ‘fro because you have a ton of soul and are a hard, hard guy like Big Ben Wallace, or because you’re cultivating a q-tip look. Tim has soul, but he’s so soft he could be used to clean the ears of an elephant with that hair. He let Al Harrington outplay him. Al Harrington, several inches shorter, and oh, he sucks. MVP or just plain soft?”

Popovich went on to berate other players by name, reffering to Rasho “Fucking Soft Batch Keebler” Nesterovic, Brent “Pack of Charmin” Barry, Nazr “Floatin’ On A Cloud O’ Titties” Mohammed, Tony “Le Softique” Parker, and Beno “Hard As A Kirstie Ally’s Ass” Udrih.

He supposedly went on, unconfirmed and therefore not legally allowed to sue us, to say “This team is flaccid. They’re about as hard as you can get while fantasizing about your grandmother naked. No really, they’re goddamned soft. You cannot quote me on that! Get over here, VanExel… you are soft and creamy like so much goddamned pudding. I couldn’t even play you for fear of your rich, sweet creamy texture.”

Popovich has given this speech annually, but never quite so early in a season. Usually, this speech, which is a team tradition, follows on the heels of home losses to teams like the Bulls. Coach Popvich had barely been able to restrain himself, according to reports.

“This is a team of goddamned destiny. This is not a franchise. This is a team for the ages. This is a goddamned DYNASTY. The Mongols weren’t conquered by the likes of Royal Ivey goddamn it. Is he even a player? He sounds like a goddamned flavor of Axe cologne, goddamn it. “

He concluded with “this team is soft. I’ve coached better 65-and-over ladies’ teams” then proceeded into an incomprehensible, profanity laced tirade. The team is now 17-3.

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Comments

  1. Dingo December 15, 2005

    You’re soft in the head, Funk. The Spurs were 16-4, not 17-3, after losing to the lowly Hawks.

    What, Sean Marks doesn’t get a “soft” nickname, too?!

    Since beating the Clippers in OT, the Spurs are now 17-4. In case you haven’t noticed, the Clippers are the real deal this year, and Elton Brand deserves a trip to the All-Star game, if anyone does.

    Said TNT’s Charles Barkley, “If Elton Brand is not an All-Star this year, I’m not going.

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