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Is Kobe the Second Coming?

By Bramlet Abercrombie on January 29, 2006.

Many have speculated that Kobe Bryant may be the “second coming” of Michael Jordan: an unguardable scorer with the talent and sheer will to carry his team to championships. While this theory does have its merits, its proponents underestimate Kobe’s greatness. I would like to propose a completely different theory that I think offers a much more plausible explanation for the Kobe Phenomenon:

Kobe Bryant is the Second Coming of Jesus Christ Our Lord.


If you look carefully, you can see the Holy Spirit shining in Kobe’s benevolent eyes.

I’m aware that this theory may strike some as a bit radical, an overreaction to Kobe’s recent miraculous performance, but I ask only that you consider this possibility calmly and with an open mind.

Like Jesus, Kobe is black.

Like Jesus, Kobe loves children. Really, really loves them.

Like Jesus, Kobe can walk on non-solid matter.

Like Jesus, Kobe believes that the meek shall inherit the NBA title.

Like Jesus, Kobe has been associated with prostitutes:

Like Jesus, Kobe was betrayed by one close to Him. Or was that the other way around?

Like Jesus, Kobe’s forgiveness knows no bounds.

Like Jesus, Kobe was crucified (by fans and the press) and buried (by critics who said he would never accomplish anything without Shaq). And like Jesus, Kobe rose from the dead to score 81 points on the Toronto Craptors (except back then they were the Ptolemais Petselehs).

The similarities are staggering. God is hiding the identity of Our Savior for His protection, but the truth is there in plain sight for the pure of spirit to see. When Kobe Bryant is crowned King of Kings and ushers in a new era of peace and prosperity for God’s children, remember: you heard it first at SpursDynasty.

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Comments

  1. Dingo January 29, 2006

    And like Jesus, Kobe rose from the dead to score 81 points on the Toronto Craptors (except back then they were the Ptolemais Petselehs).

    I wasn’t the best student in Sunday School, but I recall that Jesus’ career best was just 40 points against the Kamshuna. To be fair, there was no 3-point line back then, and Jesus was probably one of the best pure shooters who ever played the game.

  2. Dingo February 1, 2006

    Bramlet,

    Thanks to you, the following ad is now running on our site. Good work!


    Jesus Christ’s Real Story
    Who was Jesus Christ & what did He really teach? Find out in free book
    http://www.gnmagazine.org/realstory

  3. 9RingsBaby February 2, 2006

    what is going on here?! do the Spurs support censorship? I knew this was a rt-wing org, hidden as a sports fanatic site!

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