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Eva: "When the lights are out, he's the teacher."

By Bramlet Abercrombie on March 23, 2006.

I called it!

Just as I predicted, people were taking Eva’s comment about being the teacher out of context, and now she has come out to defend her man’s reputation:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Eva Longoria, desperate to set the record straight, took to the entertainment-news shows Tuesday to tell the world that her beau, NBA star Tony Parker, is aces in the bedroom.

File it under Too Much Information, but Longoria told “Extra” and “Access Hollywood” that “when the lights are out, he’s the teacher,” … and “I’m the student,” she added to “Extra.”

The revelation came in response to an article in the latest Allure magazine that quotes the “Desperate Housewives” star as saying that in matters of love, she was “the experienced one.” International magazines seized the story, concluding – wrongfully, Longoria stressed – that Parker is a lousy lover.

You’ve gotta be kidding me that Tony Parker needs any coaching off the court. We all know that every Frenchman comes out of the womb ready to make some love. Hell, the French babies I’ve seen* try to seduce their own mothers while chowing down on nipple nectar. And when I saw Tony’s dad in the stands the other day, I knew there was no way Tony was weak in the sack:

Take it straight to the hole, son!

You know TP must have taken some serious shit in the locker room for this. Brent Barry alone probably spent hours damaging his ego. But now that we all know that Le Pénétration doesn’t just do his penetrating on the court, let’s just move on, people. Nothing to see here! (Unless someone wants to post some hot pictures of Eva, that is.)

* I haven’t seen any French babies, but then, I haven’t seen any evidence that this claim isn’t true.

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