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Bramlet's Giblets: April 7, 2006 – "All Apologies…and Articles"

By Bramlet Abercrombie on April 7, 2006.

As I am too disgusted by the events of the last 24 hours for any sustained commentary on the current state of the Spurs, I present for you, the fortunate few who know about SpursDynasty, another edition of “Bramlet’s Giblets.” In this edition I will present a number of recent Spurs-related articles that I have deemed to be of interest to the serious Spurs fan, as a distraction from painful memories of Ron Artest blocking Manu’s shots.

First, however, I would like to issue a general apology to Spurs fans everywhere, and even to the Spurs themselves, for my inexcusable laxity and apathy in the execution of my voodoo duties. The Spurs’ deep, talented lineup this season lulled me into a state of complacency regarding their ability to dominate the league without my help in winning the favor of the vodun. Yes, the Spurs are on pace to have the best regular season in the history of the franchise. For that, I can take no credit. But I must take the blame for their frustrating inability to play more than one good game every 48 hours. I know there are unbelievers out there who pooh-pooh voodoo and call me cuckoo. But can it possibly be coincidence that whenever the team has been exhausted after a tough game the night before, and I have, like a naive, rational fool, failed to maim the opposition in effigy, they have consistently lost? I think not. Q.E.D., the boys still need Bramlet’s help, despite the impressiveness of their roster.

[By the way, soon you, too, our thirteen loyal readers, will be able to aid our beloved team properly, through the time-honored methods of tearing, burning, and eating likenesses of opposing players, when we post our “Official Guide to Watching Spurs Games the SpursDynasty Way” (or should it be “SpursDynasty’s Official Guide to Spurs Viewing for the Non-Pussy”? Hmmm…) In the meanwhile, I’ll do my best to make up for my heretofore lackluster efforts to ensure that any supernatural intervention is on the side of the Spurs. You hear me, David Stern? Praying to Mammon will not avail you.]

I know, I know…you forgive me already. Enough of this self-indulgent groveling. On to the aforementioned articles.

Next time, ignore the Nolte Method and follow the Delay Dictum, Dave: give ‘em a big smile when they take your mug shot.

  • John Hollinger, on the other hand, gets it right in this article about how the Spurs’ performance this year is actually quite impressive considering the hurdles they’ve had to overcome. He also gets Bramlet Points for putting Nazr on his “All-Underrated” team (in an ESPN Insider article that requires a subscription to view).
  • Charley Rosen continues his subtle anti-Spurs agenda in this article about the Spurs’ victory over the Clippers on their home court – the title implies that it was the Clippers’ flaws, not the Spurs’ greatness, that determined the outcome of the game.
  • Charles Barkley recently made some surprising comments about his induction into the Hall of Fame.
  • If you can ignore the awkward product plugs, this video of Kenny “The Jet” Smith visiting TP’s house is kind of cool, if for no other reason than to see Timmy, Robert, and David (yes, that David) make embarrassing admissions about the TV shows they watched in the 80’s. Hint: One of TD’s favorite shows featured an intimidating black man with a mohawk who apparently felt great compassion for people who exercise poor judgment.

I pity the fool who has to play the Spurs when they’ve just lost a game at home.

  • A very cool person posted this clip containing highlights of Manu’s career on YouTube. Check out the right side of the page for more clips from the same talk show appearance. (By the way, don’t sign up for a YouTube account if your self-esteem is fragile. When you do, it will deliver the humiliating and disillusioning news that you have “zero friends,” that is, until you invite some people to sign up for an account and watch videos. Please, help out a lonely and desperate man, and e-mail me your name and e-mail address so I can invite you to join.)
  • Look here for a translation (by this cunning linguist) of this recent interview with Manu.
  • Here is an article by former NBA coach Bill Fitch
    on tonight’s Spurs-Mavs game (aka Mavs own-ass-reception).
  • Those interested in betting on the game may find some useful information here. But of course, betting against the Spurs results in automatic excommunication from the Church of Duncan, so your choice is already clear.
  • And finally, this article discusses the Spurs’ circular and apparently fruitless search for a solution to their rebounding woes, much like Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill, only to have to start over again…and again. But then, the beauty of life is in the journey, no?

And now, dear readers, I must go begin preparations for the voodoo ritual that will ensure that the Spurs have the mojo to mar, mangle, mutilate, manhandle, maim, maul, molest, and otherwise maltreat the Mavericks tonight. To properly enjoy the fruits of my labors, call up that cousin of yours in Dallas who’s always talking empty shit about how this is the year the Mavericks will overcome the Spurs…and gloat maliciously.

I hope you make your peace with God or Odin or whatever it is you Krauts believe in, Dirk, before “The Rash” rapes you again tonight.

* my S.A. homeboy “hey-SOOS,” who is the inspiration for the Spurs’ success

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