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Spurs Trade Value?!

By Daniel Strickland on July 7, 2006.

Thanks to Sloan, our resident Mavericks fanatic, for passing along Bill Simmons’ hilarious take on NBA players trade value.

I especially got a kick out of Simmons’ World Cup digression. We’ve played the same game ourselves, asking, which NBA players would do well in soccer? Manu Ginobili comes to mind, as does Steve Nash. In fact, I think that their games have a lot to do with the fact they played soccer as kids, but more on that later.

32. Tony Parker
Can’t shoot 3s, can’t guard anybody, doesn’t create shots for other guys, on the books for $58 million over the next five years … and I still couldn’t leave him off this list. Besides, he gets bonus points for swaying the Sports Gal into watching Spurs playoff games just to see what Eva Longoria was wearing, leading to classic questions like “Why doesn’t Ginobili just color in his bald spot?” and “Wait, is that guy’s name really ‘Nazi?’ “

(By the way, I’ve been watching the World Cup for four weeks trying to decide which NBA players could have been dominant soccer players, eventually coming to three conclusions. First, Allen Iverson would have been the greatest soccer player ever — better than Pele, better than Ronaldo, better than everyone. I think this is indisputable, actually. Second, it’s a shame that someone like Chris Andersen couldn’t have been pushed toward soccer, because he would have been absolutely unstoppable soaring above the middle of the pack on corner kicks. And third, can you imagine anyone being a better goalie than Shawn Marion? It would be like having a 6-foot-9 human octopus in the net. How could anyone score on him? He’d have every inch of the goal covered. Just as a sports experiment, couldn’t we have someone teach Marion the rudimentary aspects of playing goal, then throw him in a couple of MLS games? Like you would turn the channel if this happened?)

20. Manu Ginobili
As time passes, his Game 7 foul on Nowitzki will take its rightful place alongside Isiah’s pass that Bird stole, Worthy’s pass that Gerald Henderson stole, Derek Harper dribbling out the clock, Nick Anderson’s free throws and the Peja/Christie airballs as one of the 25 most incompetent moments in NBA playoff history. And yes, I would watch that show. But I could see his career going one of two ways — either he’s never the same, or he’s better than ever before. I vote for the latter.

(Not to keep bringing back soccer, but Ginobili’s constant flopping makes much more sense after sitting through four weeks of World Cup — he only needs to incorporate the “carried off in a stretcher, and as the stretcher is taking him away, he hops off like nothing happened and joins the play again” maneuver. That’s my favorite.)

3. Tim Duncan
His finishes in the Top 40 column: No. 2 (2001), No. 3 (2002), No. 1 (2003), No. 2 (2004), No. 1 (2005), No. 3 (2006). Pretty impressive. Not quite as good as making the All-NBA First Team eight years in a row, but pretty impressive.

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