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I may have crossed the line here …

By Michael Erler on October 14, 2006.

First of all, I never promised to be insightful or intelligent. That’s a bald faced lie and I demand that you apologize. In the words of T.O., “DON’T YOU DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT.”

Secondly, I’ve got some big news, for me anyway. I’m going to be in this month’s DIME Magazine, the one with T-Mac on the cover. They came up with the idea of having NBA bloggers do their previews for them and asked me to do one for the Spurs. Mainly I think it was a genius ploy for them to avoid working and still keep all the money. Or maybe it’s a plot to get subscribers to the magazine. Like, “If you subscribe for a year, we’ll let you write a paragraph.”

Anyway, here I am

See? Don’t make fun of it either. It’s hard to sound intelligent in only a 100 words. I can’t even say “hello” in a 100 words.

I was all excited about being in it, but then I realized I may have gotten “Dime” mixed up with “Slam.” Which is the big one, can someone tell me? I haven’t read much of either I’m afraid because I don’t need help on design ideas for my tats or advice on managing my posse.

Also, isn’t it odd that somebody like, oh, I don’t know, Steve Nash for example, is never on the cover of a basketball magazine named Dime? I mean, instead of putting Kobe or Carmelo on the cover of a mag named after passing the basketball, shouldn’t it be the guy who leads the league in assists ever year? Am I crazy?

Isn’t what they’re doing now like putting George Bush on the cover of “Really Well Thought Out Ideas” Magazine?

And don’t you dare tell me that such a magazine doesn’t exist. They have magazines for everything. If you can have “Cat Fancy” and “US Weekly” and “Juggs Over 50 ”
Why can’t they have “Well Thought Out Ideas: The Magazine?”
Hell, they have a rag out there called “The Christian Science Monitor.” Its own title is an oxymoron.

I would just start publishing this magazine on my own, but imagine if it failed and I went bankrupt. Would I have to put myself on the cover with a big circle and slash through it?

Finally, since the season is coming up, I thought it’d be a perfect time for my most homoerotic Manu blog ever. I decided that he needs his own theme song, so I went all Weird Al Yankovic and tweaked the lyrics to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ “Gold Lion.”

Why Gold Lion? It’s got a great beat, completely meaningless lyrics, and a cheesy video. In short, it’s the perfect pop song to get you pumped up to play ball. I’ve listened to it roughly 3,154,954 times in the last three months.

Here are the original lyrics

And here’s the video. In case you’ve never seen the YYYs before, here’s a warning, Karen O sounds a thousand times hotter than she actually is. Actually, she’s a Seinfeldian “Shapeshifter.” In the right light, she’s passably sexy, but the majority of the time, it’s a “Hell F@#king No” situation. As if I’m one to talk. You’ll note that the drummer, without his glasses, also looks a bit like Manu:

It’s about time somebody gets to work making a Gino highlight video set to this song on Youtube. So far the only ones I’ve seen have been synched to music that’s sad

Or completely unlistenable

So far the best of the bunch was the one set to Rocky IV

So please, somebody get to work on “Gold Lion”

Anyway, here’s my version, called “G Nobli.” You’ll note the gratuitous shots at Tony and Timmy.

“G-Nobli”

Gi- nobli’s gonna get the ball and save us
Gi- nobli’s gonna get the ball and save us
To- ny’s so out of control
To- ny’s so out of control

Now, watch him with the ball,
watch him with the ball,
Sick- est you’ve ev- er seen
Inside, outside,
He must have hit a dozen each

It was the fouls he drew, the steals,
The dimes just crushing you,
Just went around you two

Watch him with the ball,
He knows just what to…
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh

Gi- nobli’s gonna get the ball and save us
Gi- nobli’s gonna get the ball and save us
To- ny’s so out of control
To- ny’s so out of control

Outside, Inside,
Hit- ting big shots to-save our hides,
Tim’s at the line close your eyes,
He’ll catch on fire, change mo- mentum when-all is-dire
That desire to win just won’t be de- nied
Watch him with the ball,
He knows just what to…
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh

Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh

And why yes, I did time send a time-stamped e-mail of that to myself so it can’t be plagerized, thanks for asking.

See y’all later

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Comments

  1. Bramlet Abercrombie October 17, 2006

    Good stuff. I’d watch that highlight video. Then again, I’d watch Manu highlights set to Celine Dion. Hmm…in fact, that would be an interesting artistic challenge. But I think I’ve got better things to do with my time.

    Can’t say I’m crazy about Dime, but congratulations on your effort to single-handedly raise the quality of their writing. Very artful use of 100 words. Sorry to have to insult you again.

    And yeah, “Christian Science” has always seemed like an oxymoron to me as well, but strangely enough the Monitor has a good reputation.

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