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Kicking Ray Allen's Bitch Ass In Drag

By Michael on February 26, 2007.

Game 56 Vs. Seattle: Spurs 102, Supersonics 71

Great googly moogly are we playing well right now. This is definitely our best little stretch of the whole season and as down as I’ve been about the club as recently as three weeks ago, I’ve got to admit that it looks like we’re in the nascent stages of another patented March-April blitz through the Association. The big three are all scoring at an extraordinarily efficient rate, Elson is finally working well with Timmy on defense and the Vaughn-Ginobili backcourt has revitalized the bench to the point that we’re starting to dominate those scripted second unit stretches of the game, the last four minutes of the 1st and 3rd quarters and the first four of the 2nd and 4th quarters. All that being said, I don’t believe we’ve proven one iota that we can compete with Dallas or Phoenix, or that we’re any better right now than Houston or Utah.

However there are reasons for optimism -

1. We have Timmy, still the best all around player in the NBA. I repeat, THE BEST ALL AROUND PLAYER IN THE NBA. He cannot be guarded one-on-one by anyone on another Western contender, he’s a smart passer out of the double team, he’s a ferocious rebounder and he is, by far, the best defender of any superduperstar. Dirk and Amare are awesome, awesome players, but they do not lead, they do not inspire and they do not make their teammates better.

2. We have the tightest squad. Everyone is comfortable with their roles, everyone knows what is expected of them and no one will play selfishly or scared. We will not beat ourselves, somebody will have to knock us out, four games out of seven.

3. You can only play five guys at once. Some other squads might be deeper than us with their top eight guys or top ten, but our advantage is that you only play five at once and I’ll put our top three against anyone’s, offensively and defensively. What’s just as critical is that the other two playing with our big three will know what their responsibilities are at all times.

Anyway, we’re still a long way from the playoffs, so back to the game at hand. Unfortunately it was one of those god forsaken “silver Saturday” deals and we wore these tinfoil untuckable eyesores that were a cross between what our sister WNBA team, the Silver Stars wear and some slutty gown you might see on a high end Hollywood callgirl.

+ =

If John Ameachi is interested in making a comeback…

But besides that the game was a two hour clinic. We shot 53% from the field, 50% from three and 80% from the stripe. We outrebounded them, outassisted them, (by 18!) had more blocks, more steals, fewer turnovers and fewer fouls. Perhaps the best way to illustrate how much better we were than Seattle though might be this: we played the quintet of Oberto-Bonner-Finley-Udrih-Vaughn for the entire fourth quarter – and lost only two points off the 33 point lead that we had entering the final period.

Basically all you need to know about what kind of game it was is that Bruce held punk ass Ray Allen to 4 of 20 on one of the floor and had a fast break dunk on the other. Or as Timmy called it, “a strong lay up.” Even more pathetic than Allen’s shooting was Bob Hill’s lame excuses afterward, blaming the loss on his team being “tired” and on the refs missing calls on Rashard Lewis “who was fouled about 25 times.”

Whatever, Boner. I can’t believe you’re still employed. But seriously, is there a bigger fake superstar than Ray Allen? My colleague Matthew on PtR who has lived in Seattle for a few years despises Ray-Ray. Can’t say I blame him. Allen brings nothing to the table defensively, shrinks from physical play at all times and has no clue how to make his teammates better. He is the classic 80′s-style Alex English/Bernard King/Chris Mullin/Dale Ellis unrepentant gunner who will never ever sniff a ring. It wouldn’t really annoy me if he didn’t whine like a little girl so much. You just know he’s thinking, “Screw Bruce and his rings, did he ever get asked to shoot a sex scene with Jill Kelly and Chasey Lain?”

Touché.

Three people who spent a part of their Friday night sucking hard.

Then again, I suppose the mainstream media is partly responsible for christening guys like Allen as stars in the first place. And by mainstream I don’t mean the John Hollingers or David Berris of the world. Hell, look at today’s headline on ESPN.com about the Heat/Cavs game: “Shaq picks up slack, leads Heat past Cavs.” Shaq hit half of his shots, some from as far as six or seven feet away and one of his seven free throws. 19 points on 18 shots. To suggest that such a performance is commensurate with a 20 million dollar salary or that it helps to offset Dwyane Wade’s absence is insulting to fans and doubly insulting to Wade. The whole reason that Flash was in the MVP conversation (as well as having the highest PER in the league – you know who is 7th) is because he does a hell of a lot more with 18 shots than 19 points.

That Miami was able to win a game in which Shaq stunk, Wade was out and Jason Kapono shot 6-of-18 is not something to be celebrated. All it means is that Miami is terrible, Cleveland is even more terrible and the Eastern Conference is really, really, really, really terrible. I strongly advise watching any playoff games played to the right of the Mississippi this May without the calming and hallucinatory influences of numerous drugs in your system.

I suppose it’s all relative. As ordinary as Shaq pays these days he is a star when compared to the likes of Antoine Walker who successfully converted his first free throw in over two months today. He is now shooting 33% from the stripe on the year albeit in only 60 attempts. That’s right, he’s 6’8″, he’s played over a thousand minutes on the year and he’s got 60 free throw attempts. Mr. Shimmy is being paid over 7 million this year and the Heat are on the hook for him for another four seasons after this to the tune of just under 39 Mil. While he appears to be a supreme candidate for the amnesty clause, at the end of the day somebody will pay him that money. Let’s remember all this the next time we rail at the Spurs front office.

It’s a sick, sick world out there.

Speaking of our guys, we had so many strong performances last night that “3 Stars” wouldn’t do them justice. So a tip of the cap to…

Matt Bonner who played the entire fourth quarter
and scored 13 points and snared four rebounds in by far his strongest game since returning from his MCL injury.

Manu Ginobili who effortlessly filled the stat sheet with 11-5-7 in only 22 minutes of work and six shot attempts. You knew he’d have a low profile night after exploding for forty at Atlanta on Wednesday. Both Manu and Pop like to stay as far below the radar as possible. Right now he can do whatever he wants out there. And oh by the way, he was a sickening + 30. In 22 minutes.

Robert Horry who canned four of his six threes, despite often receiving the ball in less than ideal circumstances. I would have liked to place him into the top three, but it just wouldn’t have been fair to the other guys. Pretty much all Robert did yesterday was hang around the three point line. No rebounds, no assists, no nothin.’ Of course if he can shoot anywhere near this well in May, I won’t complain.

Anyway, here’s the top three…

3. Tony Parker – Rediscovered his shooting touch, hitting 10 of his 15 shots and even nailing his only three point attempt. His 12 points in a six minute stretch of the 2nd quarter pushed the lead from four to 15 and ended all the drama of this one pretty quickly.

2. Bruce Bowen – Dude made Allen crap his pants once again and even hit half of his six shots, including that thunderous dunk. Vintage Bowen.

1. Tim Duncan – First star for six points? You bet. Tim was definitely the best player out on the floor, thoroughly controlling the game at both ends. He grabbed 15 rebounds, blocked 5 shots and had four assists. Seattle couldn’t get anything inside against him. Bill Russell must’ve played a thousand games like this in his career. Bravo!

Record: 38-18 Streak: W-5
Up Next: Vs. Toronto Raptors

A win here would give us a season best six game streak, but it won’t be easy. T-dot is really playing well right now, they look like they have excellent chemistry and the trio of Garbagosa, Bargnani and Calderon are all contributing mightily. The Raptors might be the one squad out there even more international than we are and if I have to root for somebody in the East, it might as well be them. Here’s to the lowest rated Finals ever!

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