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When did Phoenix get so fucking annoying?

By Michael Erler on February 7, 2007.

Game 48 @ Phoenix: Suns 103, Spurs 87

Long time no blog, I know I know. What can I say, I’ve been addicted to Minesweeper of late. You might say I’m obsessed with the game. I’ve gotten to the point where I like to play it “blind” without ever planting the flags on the mines and seeing if I can finish the expert level that way. The bottom line is that I needed a mini vacation from the Spurs and had to spend some quality time with Michael.

And yes, I suppose it is fair to assume that I would have written much sooner if the last six minutes of the Suns game went 180 degrees differently than it did, but I warn you, never underestimate my laziness.

Anyway, the game. Believe it or not, I’m not upset. Maybe the six day lay off has dulled my emotions somewhat and perhaps this post would be a lot more vitriolic and entertaining if I’d written it immediately after the game ended, but I swear I saw more good than bad in this one.

Consider all that happened before you call me loco. We were on the second night of a back-to-back on the road after playing the league’s most physical squad the previous evening. We got only five points total from everyone not surnamed Duncan, Ginobili, Parker or Barry. Tim shot 5 of 18 despite having good looks all day. Bruce clanked five corner threes where he couldn’t have been more open. Horry, who had been our second best “big” of late, could only play twelve ineffective minutes because he’s pretty much useless in segababas. Bonner was injured. We were out rebounded by 10 to a team that doesn’t rebound and held below 39% shooting to a team that doesn’t play defense.

The team was exhausted, dispirited, beat up and playing like complete ass. And despite all of that my friends, we were right in the game until the last six minutes. The final score really doesn’t do the game justice since the Suns, lacking in both class and security, ran it up at the end to make themselves feel better.

I’m gonna lay all the cards on the table folks. I’m going to be crystal clear about this – The San Antonio Spurs will not lose a playoff series to this team. I’m positive of this. I can certainly see the hell-sent Mavs doing the deed. The Rockets would be a nightmare match-up for us with Yao, T-Mac and Bonzi, none of whom we can remotely hope to guard. And I can even see the Mormons giving us a lot of problems. But the Phoenix Suns cannot and will not beat us four out of seven in May, no way, no how.

First of all I love the match-ups between our top three and their top three. Tony can go at Nash all day long and really abuse him on defense. Manu can have his way with Bell or whoever else they throw at him. Tim can dominate inside the key. All three of our guys are far superior defenders than their counterparts. Also, as much shit as I’ve given Bruce this year, (and believe me, he’s deserved it)he still seems to have the Matrix figured out. Marion shot 5 of 16 for the game and once again proved to be a non factor in the half court offense except for put backs.

Really the only guy who scares me on the Suns is Barbosa. He’s their X-factor. The whole outlook of the game changed in the second half when Bell got injured and the Brazilian whirlwind started in his place. We really have no answer for him on defense and he’s a holy terror in transition when both he and Nash are on the floor at the same time. I think the only solution to this is to make him work as much as possible on defense, try to post him up with Manu or maybe Finley and tire him out a bit that way. Both he and Nash have to be taken advantage of on defense.

All I know is that it isn’t a coincidence that the Jazz are 3-0 against these guys. They’re a team full of wusses. Can you believe Amare Stoudemire’s overreaction in the 3rd quarter when Manu inadvertently kneed him in the balls? Gino didn’t say anything about the forearm he took to the face on the play that knocked his upper body backwards and his legs up, but Amare acted like a big entitled baby. At one time I felt bad that this guy had to undergo microfracture surgery and possibly have his career come to an end before it really began, but now I wonder why I ever cared. He’s just a tall, preening, flexing doofus.

His criticism of Ginobili didn’t even make sense. If Manu is a “flopper” then how come Amare was hurt? Isn’t Manu just acting to make it look like the contact is much worse than it actually is? Make up your mind Amare, the guy can either be dirty or a flopper, not both. Just keep dunking the ball and shut the hell up, because every time you open your mouth, you sound like a guy who skipped college and went to about 16 different high schools, okay? Don’t forget this is the same clown that did push-ups against us after a dunk in 2004 (Manu’s 48 point game). He also has a tattoo on his neck calling himself “Black Jesus” and another one that says “STAT” which stands for “Stand Tall And Talented.”

How about “Squished Testicles Aching Terribly?” Dork.


That’s right, you big hairy girl, stay away from Manu.

It wasn’t too long ago that I considered myself, if not a fan of the Phoenix Suns, than at least a sympathizer. But no longer my friends! They are now dead to me and right below the Mavs and the Heat on the Master Fucktard list. Between Amare’s antics, D’Antoni’s tired Yosemite Sam footstomping, Bell’s tough talk from the bench and the whole team’s classless running up of the score, I’m sick and tired of these guys. Hell, I even heard from my friend that their owner comes off as a total dick in the Jack McCallum book. I can’t wait to run into these guys in the playoffs. I’m very excited about the possibility and I bet the team is too.

Not that it’d be easy, mind you. Obviously we need more from Bruce, more from Fin, from Brent, from Horry, from Elson and SOMETHING from Beno, who’s been absolutely atrocious the past three games just when it looked like he was starting to turn his season around. In eight scoreless, assistless minutes the Bean Burrito was a -11. Good lord.

If only there was somebody out there who was available and could be trusted to hold on to the ball, make accurate passes and step up in clutch situations. Are you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?


Watch your ass Beno.

Your predictable 3 stars…

3. Tony Parker – Played hard, played well and his performance was probably the most consistent of the big three from beginning to end. He just didn’t have a lot of help.

2. Tim Duncan – Dominated every phase of the game except scoring. Just couldn’t get anything to drop in the second half. Was very strong defensively most of the night. Had several good passes from the post that guys wasted with bricks.

1. Manu Ginobili – Spectacular through the first three quarters to keep the team in the game, kinda wore down in the fourth. 22 shots is a lot for him and even with the Suns’ pace it’s pretty indicative of how horrible everyone else was shooting that he put up so many. Seems to really enjoy playing in this building and his mid-range jumper was probably the best it’s been all year.

Record: 32-16 Streak: L-2
Up Next: @ Washington Wizards

After a week’s respite, the Spu
rs travel east to take on the poor man’s Suns. Surely they’ll get a better effort from Agent Zero than when these two clubs faced off in San Antone three weeks ago, but I like our chances since they’re missing Jamison. Also, Timmy is probably quite upset about the Super Bowl…

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Comments

  1. Anonymous April 23, 2008

    You’re a fucking dumbass dude! How many MVPs have Tony Parker won? Has he won back-to-back MVPs like Nash? Uh….NO! And if he isn’t gay, then how come he hasn’t knocked up his wife yet? And are you sure Manu isn’t a terrorist? And Tim Duncan, LOL! Big cry baby! Go play in traffic.

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