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I'm totally hetero, but a little Beno-curious.

By Michael Erler on March 7, 2007.

Game 60 @ Los Angeles: Spurs 88, Clippers 74

Wheeee. I had to venture out to the sports bar once again because the Clippers are always blacked out where I live, so I was already kinda grumpy and the dullness of the game did little to make me feel any better. Plus I had to record “Heroes” and watch it way later. God I’m such a spoiled Spurs fan. Bitching about everything. What’s wrong with me?

Anyway, you know things are goin’ well for your ballclub when they’ve got streaks within streaks. Not only have they won nine in a row but they’ve held the last three foes to 74 points on the button. That’s just sick, yo.

Of course the Clippers did have something to do with it. Not only did Shaun Livingston practically have his entire right leg torn off at the knee last week just by landing funny on a lay-up attempt, but E.T. Cassell is out too with a groin strain (as I mentioned on PTR, it must take a toll on his body to have such gynormous testicles made out of pure trylithium) as well. Consequently the Clips had to make do with the point guard tandem of Daniel Ewing – passes like Daniel Fortson, dribbles like Patrick Ewing – and the freshly signed Jason Hart. Predictably their offense looked out of rhythm and lacked creativity.

Too bad they don’t have a 3rd point guard that totally kicks ass like we do, right? More on that later…

Anyway, the bad news is once again the wee rapping Frenchman was out with a bad hip and for the first time in such a circumstance we kinda played like a team that was missing their starting point. Our shooting was a decent enough 47.6%, but overall we were just terribly sloppy and sluggish, putting up only 63 shots and coughing it up 19 freakin’ times. Also the fastbreak was nonexistent. I mean good lord four minutes into the 3rd quarter it was 44-40. It was as ugly a game against the Clippers could possibly get without Sam I Am in uniform. Just imagine if Kaveman Kaman hadn’t gotten that haircut…

Look where Manu’s looking, you know he’s thinking, “Hey didn’t you used to be fucking hideous?”

Thankfully both the game and the tedium were broken by a 16-0 Spurs run in which Manu had 11 of the 16, including nine in a row at one stretch. Oberto found him on a backdoor cut for the first hoop and Manu gently dropped the ball in even though his hand was above the rim, (he’s openly teasing me with the refusal to dunk at this point) he drove to the cup off a Vaughn feed and finger rolled the second bucket, he somehow found himself all alone under the rim to tip in Bowen’s missed jumper for the third and he hit a three from the right wing after receiving another pass from Jacque to finish off his mini-run. Pretty much all she wrote for the game after that…

The game wasn’t completely dull… for five minutes.

Incredibly we were once again carried home by that sweet shootin’ Slovenian, Beno Udrih, who scored nine of his 14 in the fourth. Sadly, he also happened to have four turnovers as well, including a couple of the particularly gruesome variety that makes that one vein on Pop bulge (no not that one sicko) so once Tony comes back it’s right back to the bench for Boy Wonder.

Let’s take inventory for a second with Beno… He doesn’t guard anybody, doesn’t have a good handle, takes forever to get the team in their sets if they ever get there at all and his court vision has been somewhat lacking let’s say. Pretty much all we can ever hope for when he plays at this point is for him to knock down a couple of shots and to not break down sobbing on national television. Think of a slightly more athletic Steve Kerr, but with a much, much, much, much, much worse shot. And he doesn’t saying anything funny to the media. Oh and he might be gay. I’m not saying it as a putdown or anything. I don’t care either way. Dude just might be gay, that’s all. Don’t even sit here reading this and pretend you haven’t considered it. Really, if he were gay, what better team is there to be gay on than the Spurs? Half the roster are cultured, renaissanced furners and the other half are grizzled vets who’ve been around too long to care and aren’t the types to make waves even if they did.

Can I sit here today and honestly tell you I’m positive that Pop has never called Tony some hateful homophobic slur like “faggot” or “buttpirate” or perhaps even “prostate spelunker” in a moment of anger? No, I cannot. Can I sit here today and say I’ve never done so? Um… I can’t recall. I’m just sayin’ if Beno were on the down low I’d be cool with it and I would think it’d be better for him to be a San Antonio Spur than say a Denver Nugget or a Detroit Piston.

Um… perhaps I should think about these blogs and outline them and plan them out before just diving right in… eh?

I respect your struggle my friend. It must not be easy to be an NBA player and a…
Slovenian. Sweet MySpace page, btw.

That’s all I can think of to say about this one. Oh, except Horry looked pissed when he was subbed out in the 4th because he hadn’t scored yet. And Matthew told me the Clippers have never led against the Spurs for even a second this season in three games. And Elson and Oberto played together alot for some reason. I guess Pop wasn’t feeling good about Bonner or RoHo, I dunno. Oh and there was this stretch in the 2nd quarter where we played tinyball with Fab as our only “big.” I’m not sure if that actually happened or if the bartender drugged my diet coke to punish me for not ordering any booz.

Your 3 Stars…

3. Beno Udrih – I’d apologize, but it’s not like he reads this.

2. Jacque Vaughn – 10 points, six assists, team best + 21.

1. Manu Ginobili – MVP! MVP! MVP!

Record: 42-18 Streak: W-9
Up Next: @ Portland Trailblazers

I don’t know if Tony will play. I don’t know if we’ll pull out our 10th game in a row, even in a grueling fourth-in-five-nights situation. I don’t even know if Zach Randolph will make it to the game without committing a felony. What I do know is that I’m not holding my breath waiting for Manu to cram one on anybody anytime soon…

P.S. One non-related Spurs side note. I usually do this sorta thing on PtR. As you may know I follow the Eagles in football. Their best receiver, Donte Stallworth is a free agent and the notoriously thrifty Eagles FO (yes both my favorite franchises have cheap owners, I’m a masochist that way) has hinted that they’re probably going to let him go to a suitor with deeper pockets. This morning though the Philadelphia Inquirer reported that Stallworth is involved in the league’s substance abuse program, one of the early stages where he doesn’t have to miss any games yet. That kind of information is
supposed to be a secret but somehow the Philly paper gets it? A bit odd don’t you think? Obviously there is speculation (most notably in that the Eagles FO spilled the beans so that other teams would back off Donte and they could re-sign him on the cheap.

So my question to all of you is do you think what the Eagles FO did, if true was wrong or is it just smart business? After all they didn’t force Stallworth to do whatever illegal thing he did in the first place, right? Should I feel guilty rooting for this team next year? Should I stop rooting for them period? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Discuss.

Donte being done dirty?

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  1. Anonymous March 8, 2007

    Manu for MVP??! Get a grip, Michael. Same state, wrong team. Dirk is a lock. He’s much more poised and comes through in the clutch this year, much more than Manu has.

    I would put Manu perhaps number 13 or 14 on my MVP list, and that’s being generous.


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