“The thought of suicide is a great consolation. By means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night during the playoffs.”
“Whoever fights Grizzlies should see to it that in the process he does not become a Grizzly. On the other hand, when you look long into the abyss of a possible 0-2 first-round playoff deficit to an eighth seed, the thought of taking a titanium baseball bat to Zach Randolph’s knee looks more and more appealing, and you stop giving a shit about integrity.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche
In the aftermath of Game 1, I feel that I finally understand Romeo, Juliet, and Tonya Harding. When confronted by a soul-crushing loss, the pain of which can never be assuaged, one is driven to extreme actions, noble suffering of the slings and arrows of an outrageous upset be damned.
I feel your pain, depressed emo kid.
With this existential despair in mind, I have composed a visual list of items that every Spurs fan who truly feels losses deep in the marrow of his soul should have on hand while watching the game tonight.
Or here’s another thought: you can stop being a fucking pussy, grow a pair, burn some motherfuckers voodoo style to build up the good guys’ mojo, and enjoy tonight’s magnificent Spurs smackdown of a team that has not a chance in hell of winning this series. That’s what I plan to do. See you on the other side of a win, true Spurs fans. To the rest of you: good riddance.
(click the image above to download a printer- and voodoo-friendly PDF)
